


Honey

by ResearchBlackwingsAndDenial



Series: Home Remedies [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Guess who, Honey, M/M, Remedies, Sickfic, bee farm, cough, repression of emotions, sick/comfort, spun or regular: the argument of the month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 00:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8644750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ResearchBlackwingsAndDenial/pseuds/ResearchBlackwingsAndDenial
Summary: Cas is still sick, and he doesn't want any more synthetic medicine, Dean provides.





	

Their hands are intertwined on a wooden table top and they’re sitting across each other. Dean looks up from their hands and he sees they’re at a diner, sitting beside a wide window, rays of afternoon sun washing over them and borrowing light to their features.

He sees sparkling blue eyes and he watches as his knuckles are kissed one by one by pink chapped lips. It’s so soft, every time Cas’ lips touch his hand he feels warmth seep through the touch from the angel and towards him, every time making him feel more and more at peace.

Dean squeezes Cas’ hand. He thinks he hears birds in the distance but he can’t take his eyes off of Cas. The angel wears a huge smile on his face as he scoops some pancake with a fork, taking it into his mouth. _Cas likes my pancakes._ Dean thinks with a flutter in his heart. That makes no sense, though. They’re inside a diner, how could those be Dean’s pancakes? Why would he even think that?

There’s one bird specifically that is getting particularly louder, but Dean’s still too focused on Cas’ cheeks and how that beautiful blush seems to have no intention of leaving. The hunter smiles, content. He feels no need to say or do anything else…

Except kill that fucking bird. _What the hell?_

 

When Dean finally looks around he finds he’s on his back, laying on Cas’ bed in his room. The shift in his perceived reality is so sudden that he has to close his eyes back up.

Birds, right. _Of course,_ it had been a dream. That’s his phone’s alarm.  How could he possibly hear birds when he’s stuck underground? He grunts and sighs, reaching to turn off his phone.

 _What the hell kind of alarm is_ this _anyway? The sun is not even up right now._ It didn’t even sound like birds.

He looks at the ceiling, noticing how lifeless it seems. He’s never felt the lack of natural light in the bunker press down on him like this. He takes a deep breath and lays there, thinking about Sam’s words, feeling his sense of being trapped increase by the minute.

Suddenly, Dean gets up from the bed and walks swiftly towards the door. _Something_ stops him right at the foot of the bed. He looks back at Cas for the first time since he woke up; the angel sleeps soundly.This is the most peaceful Dean’s ever seen him. Like this, you would believe Cas leads a carefree life, one without any real problems, one where he wouldn’t have to self-sacrifice, where he wouldn’t have to be sad or worried. One probably away from Dean.

The hunter stands there, entertaining the thought of giving Cas peace at the cost of their relationship. He thinks he’d probably do it, wouldn’t take that much to convince him that the angel would be better off. A shiver shakes Dean’s body and the next thing he knows he’s racing out of the room, running up the stairs and stepping out in the dawn, taking in huge gulps of fresh air until his lungs don’t feel like they’re burning anymore.

 _What if Sam’s wrong?_ What if he loses Cas? What if he somehow…The Darkness could… What if they die? What if he never gets to see Castiel again and he never gets to tell him? What if Cas dies believing what Dean feels for him is just ordinary affection?

 

Despite the fresh air in his lungs, Dean feels like he could throw up. He opens his eyes and straightens up, not even remembering when he crouched down and put his hands on his knees. The sky is starting to clear up, the stars going out of sight once again. He watches the deep blue as it recedes to give way to light; then he looks down, the new, lighter blue a shade he’s too familiar with.

He spots a small rock near his bare foot. He kicks at it just to have something to do; it skitters and lands next to a small, lonely flower in the concrete.  Dean watches as the flower gently sways in the wind, wondering how such a beautiful thing could be born amongst so much hard and rough things. He considers walking over and plucking it, someone could step on it out here, if he plucks it he could take it inside, take it away from all danger, he could make sure it stays safe and soft… but for how long? Trapped like that it would wither and die.

So he doesn’t take it, but he can’t just ignore its existence, or wait for it to just fade away.

 

_Sam said I wouldn’t lose him, but I might._

This isn’t just _a thing_ anymore, he can’t expect his feelings for Cas to disappear without notice or motive, it won’t happen. What’s more, he doesn’t want that to happen. He doesn’t want to run anymore, he wants… he _wants._

All his life he’s never been allowed to _want_ anything. It’s always been what his family needs from him, what _he_ needs to stay alive, never what he wants. He’s never let himself want anything and now all of a sudden he wants _so much._

He wants safety, and he wants quiet, he wants peace… and he wants Cas, he wants him so bad, he wants whatever it is that could happen between them, he wants possibility and he wants to take a chance on them. And he’ll be damned if they don’t deserve it, they’ve given their lives to save the world, and he wants to believe they saved a world in which they can both find their place. Maybe that place is where the other is, maybe Dean is lucky enough that their place is _together._

Breathing comes easily now and he feels himself smile at the tiny flower. The best he can do is let it be. He understands now, what Sam meant. His brother wasn’t asking him to rush things, he was trying to get Dean to stop denying what he felt, stop lying to himself. And he agrees with him now. He has been waiting for a time when it all magically becomes clear but that time just won’t come, and things won’t ever be clear if he keeps pushing his feelings down and into the dark.

 

Dean looks back up into the sky, loving every bit of the clear blue that fills his vision, and not reproaching himself for it, but rather… acknowledging it. He thinks about his dream for a bit, speculating what might have caused such a vivid image to pop into his head, he’d never dreamed of them _together_ , not like that. Then again he’d never slept in the angel’s bed before until just a few days ago. He doesn’t know what to make of it, so he drops it, heading back into the bunker after glancing one last time at the tiny flower.

 

✧･ﾟ:*  ✿  *:･ﾟ✧

 

When Cas stumbles into the kitchen, his hair a mess and his eyes perfect mirrors of the clear sky outside, Dean turns to him and smiles. Cas raises his eyebrows groggily and takes a seat at the kitchen table. The hunter slides a cup of coffee towards the angel and goes back to the stove, where he’s making pancakes. As far as they know, Cas can’t really taste anything but he enjoys warm beverages when he’s feeling tired or cold and nowadays the angel has coffee with Dean whenever they feel like it.

Cas sips his coffee silently while Dean finishes, looking up when the hunter takes a seat across from him and places a stack of pancakes between them. Cas’ blue eyes are curious and Dean feels the urge to hide his face, but he refrains, instead voicing his own curiosity.

“So do you remember anything about yesterday?” Dean asks as he pours syrup over the bunch of pancakes he took from the stack and put on his plate.

The angel pauses to finish his coffee and then he speaks up, his eyes locked on the table top.

 

“I do, Dean. And I hope you can excuse my behavior, my ve- my body, seemed to have trouble dealing with such strong chemicals”

Dean wants to tell Cas that it’s no problem, but _holy shit_ , the sound of his voice. Cas sounds husky and like gravel and _damn-it_. Dean has to take a breath to focus on the important matter: Cas’ throat seems to be having a rough time.

 

“And all for nothing, huh? It doesn’t sound like your throat is any better” Cas sullenly shakes his head at Dean’s words.

“I could go out and get you more medicine. Maybe something stronger?” Dean asks, his voice dripping with concern. Sky-blue eyes look up at him, suddenly alarmed.

 

“No, Dean. I don’t want any more of that” Cas says this as if Dean had just suggested being tortured with a chainsaw and it makes Dean feel bad for feeding him something that messed him up so much.

 

“No, I know buddy, but I won’t get you the same. I can go and look for something that actually w-” Dean is cut off mid-sentence by Cas’ strained voice.

 

“Didn’t you see what happened yesterday?” The intensity the angel puts in those words causes him to shake as he coughs. Dean frowns with concern at the sound of Cas apparently trying to expel his lungs.

 

“Yeah, Cas but maybe it was just-” The angel cuts him off again, both with his cough and his words.

 

“Dean, I don’t need it!” Cas says this even as he’s struggling to breathe between his coughing.

 

“Like hell you don’t!” Dean hears his loud tone and corrects himself, knowing yelling will get him nowhere with Cas. He tries a softer tone, unable to help the utter concern that seeps through “Cas, your throat must hurt like a son of a bitch and you’re coughing like is the end of your days! We have to do something about that!” Cas looks at Dean and nods, his cough finally receding.

 

“I agree, but not medicine” The angel looks wary at even the mention of those dreaded chemicals “Your remedies were working just fine” Dean’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“You can say _that_ again” he resists the urge to roll his eyes. _Barely_.

 

“I said-” the angel looks confused and Dean rushes to explain.

 

“No, Cas! I meant… “ Dean looks at the clueless angel and he decides there’s really no need to reproach him for his bad attitude towards stuff that honestly sucks, the guy’s been having a hard time. “never mind. I can get you remedies, but you have to promise me you’ll cooperate okay? Because you weren’t helping me refusing all of my suggestions. Remedies are _supposed_ to be unpleasant, but they’ll help you get better, you need to understand I’m doing this because I want to help you feel better.” Dean’s heart clenches at the guilty look on the angel’s face.

 

“I understand, Dean. I apologize.” He can feel his heart stuttering just at the sound of Cas’ small voice. He just wants to hug him damn it.

 

“Stop it, you did nothing wrong, Cas. I’m just asking for a little more cooperation” Dean tries to sound encouraging.

 

“But yesterday I said things that-” Cas sounds so self-deprecating Dean just needs to stop him.

 

“That were true, or weren’t they?” He looks at the angel right in the eyes but Cas’ glance eludes him.

 

“They were, but I shouldn’t have-”

 

“What? Told me the truth? You wished you’d lied to me?” Dean stares at Cas, willing him to look back.

 

“No, Dean I-” Finally Dean reaches out to get Cas’ attention. Cas’ hand is resting on the table and Dean covers it with his own.

 

“Hey, Cas.” Cas looks up at him at last and Dean holds his gaze. “Don’t sweat it, man, it’s fine, ‘m not mad at you” He smiles encouragingly so that Cas knows he’s telling the truth.

 

“Are you sure?” Cas asks anxious and Dean nods repeatedly.

 

“A hundred percent.” He smiles wide and genuine at Cas and the angel smiles back, smaller but it’s a start. “Now stop trying to apologize, you did nothing wrong.” Since the angel doesn’t seem to be convinced Dean just gives his hand a small squeeze and tries to change the subject “You want pancakes?”

 

“Actually, they smell very nice.” Cas is smiling wider and Dean raises his eyebrows, surprised. He hadn’t really thought that the angel would want them. A smile creeps onto his face as he remembers his dream.

 

“Yeah? Well, help yourself.” Dean lets go of Cas’ hand and he offers him an empty plate. The angel takes it, places one pancake and carefully carves out a piece with a fork, bringing it into his mouth and chewing calmly.

“Anything?” Dean wants to know if the angel can now taste food if he’s really hungry. Castiel shakes his head.

 

“Just molecules.” The angel doesn’t seem to be disappointed but rather pleased “But the texture is very nice Dean, I’d dare say the best I’ve had” Dean huffs a laugh when he hears this.

 

“You’ve never had pancakes before, dumbass” he shakes his head at the affronted angel.

 

“Yes I have, and don’t call me that.” Dean feels a blush rise on his cheeks, but Cas blessedly ignores it. “When I was human I tried some inside a diner that was close to the gas ‘n sip,” He takes another bite and finishes his sentence with his mouth half full, it’s endearing as all hell. “but these must taste infinitely better.” Dean feels his heart swell and shrink simultaneously, old dread and guilt pooling at his gut.

 

“I’m sorry” Dean blurts out. He looks at the angel and tries hard not to think of all the things he must’ve learned on his own, all the things he must’ve missed, all the uncomfortable situations he must’ve gone through in that time, all because Dean is a jackass.

 

“For what?” Cas tilts his head and kneads his eyebrows together, causing Dean’s soul to reach out to him.

 

“For kicking you out Cas, I never wanted to-” Cas puts down his fork, reaching out to take Dean’s hand and the hunter suddenly runs out of words.

 

“Dean. You’ve said that before” The sweetest of smiles is on Cas’ face and Dean just wants to _deserve_ it. He swallows hard.

 

“Well, I mean it” he looks into blue eyes, quickly losing himself, foolishly wondering if those could glow in the dark. Cas’ voice breaks his reverie.

 

“I know you do. It’s okay.” He’s smiling in that way that makes Dean feel like he could say _anything_ without fear of being judged or admonished, it’s the smile that’s always gotten Dean to open up.

 

“No, it’s not.” The hunter says, sincerely. “This is your home”

 

“Thank you.” Cas’ smile shows his gums and Dean _loves_ it. He turns his hand to hold Cas’.

 

“We wouldn’t be a family without you.”

 

✧･ﾟ:*  ✿  *:･ﾟ✧

 

Dean finds Cas in the library after his shower.

 

“Cas, I’m heading out. Wanna come with me?” the hunter scratches the back of his neck absentmindedly as he waits for the angel to look up from the book he’s reading.

 

“Why?” Cas tilts his head curiously.

 

“Um.. well,” Dean smiles shyly “I kinda don’t’ want to leave you here on your own again and I found a bee farm that’s nearby.” He shrugs nervously “I was thinking maybe we could go check it out, get some real honey to help you with that cough” it’s stupid, Dean feels all flustered like he’s asking the guy out to the movies or something… although he supposes this might qualify as _something_ , Cas is kind of a big fan of bees after all. Okay, not kind of, _positively._ He looks like someone just told him he won the friggin’ lottery. He shuts the book, puts it back into place and then he’s quickly leaving the library. Dean just hears a faint “I’ll get my coat”.

“I’ll wait for you in the car” Dean shouts, laughing lightly and shaking his head.

 

✧･ﾟ:*  ✿  *:･ﾟ✧

 

When they get to the bee farm Cas hops out of the car and rushes inside the place. He explains why he’s there (or maybe his cough is self-explanatory) and he gets the lady to agree to give them a full tour, all before Dean even gets to the door. The hunter has no real way of refusing, and it’s not like he wants to either, it’s good seeing Cas happy for a change.

Even with that persistent cough, the angel manages to charm the pants off their guide, the lady’s completely delighted as Cas matches every one of her facts and together they babble on and on and on _and on_ about their precious bees.

Dean’s satisfied with watching from the sidelines, every now and then listening carefully to what Cas is showing him and agreeing that is all pretty damn interesting… until they get to the beehives, and Cas is offered to go work with one of the beekeepers. Of course, the angel accepts the invitation without any second thoughts, but when their guide offers to take Dean, the hunter’s response is slightly different.

 

“God, no” Dean shakes his head vigorously and takes a step back for good measure.

“ _Dean_ ” Cas looks at him with accusing eyes.

“ _What?_ I don’t want to” Dean wants to make the angel happy but his skin crawls at the thought of his body covered in bees, his skin exposed to stings and just … a shiver runs down his spine and he makes a face. That being said, though, his response was not exactly polite and that’s probably why Cas is chiding him.

“Thank you, but I’ll take a pass on this one” he offers a kind smile to the lady and Cas beams at him. Dean chuckles.

“You go ahead while I go get the honey. I’ll wait for you there ok?” Dean pats Cas’ shoulder affectionately as the angel happily nods his assent and then his hand lingers as he puts all of his efforts in stepping aside, watching as the angel goes off with their guide. The hunter sighs like a teenager with a crush at how gracefully Cas moves even when he’s just plainly walking away. Then he rolls his eyes at himself.

 

✧･ﾟ:*  ✿  *:･ﾟ✧

 

“Cas I just need you to choose between spun and regular” Dean tries to explain what he’s asking of the angel isn’t supposed to be difficult, it certainly isn’t supposed to keep them in the small shop for fifteen minutes, _and counting_.

“But you refuse to tell me which variety” Cas seems about to get frustrated with Dean, but Dean is already there.

“Because it _doesn’t matter!_ We just need any kind of honey so I can make you tea” Dean’s hands move desperately with his words, emphasizing his earnestness. Cas stares disapprovingly at the hunter.

“This is not just any kind of honey Dean, this is the purest honey we could find” Cas eyes Dean intently while he explains as if willing him to understand why this is a big deal and Dean just wants to drag him into a hug because he’s _such a huge dork._

“No I know, Cas, that’s good, but I just need to get you out of here before it gets dark and cold out and I end up making your health worse instead of fixing anything. So just _please_ pick something so we can buy it and go home.” Dean smiles to get the sting out of his words. He’s not annoyed or anything, he wishes they could spend the whole day here so Cas would be happy, but he’s genuinely worried and he doesn’t want to know what a cold breeze or –God forbid- some _rain_ might do to Cas’ coughing situation.

 

“I can’t just pick one” Cas turns to face the multiple jars again with a pout. Dean comes to stand right by his side, their hands just separated by an inch.

“Okay then, if you want one of each I’ll buy them for you, Cas, this shouldn’t be a problem” the hunter nudges Cas with his shoulder, trying to get the angel to loosen up.

“I doubt we need _all_ of them, Dean” Cas looks up at him with a skeptical look and Dean answers with a shrug.

“Whaddaya know? You know Sasquatch likes this kind of organic stuff and the lady said it’ll  never spoil so we have nothing to lose” he gives Cas a crooked smile . Then he pats himself on the back when the angel turns his face away trying –and failing- to hide his blush.

 

After a few seconds, Cas looks at him again with a mixture of uncertainty and hope.

“Are you sure that we can get them all?” Dean smiles sadly at the angel, wishing he could find a way to let Cas know that he deserves anything and everything he wants.

“Of course we can! ‘S not our money anyways” he shrugs and flashes a playful grin at the angel as he picks up a basket “Here, you can get whatever you want” he says as he offers the basket to Cas, relishing the amused smile on the angel’s face.

 

They end up taking a jar of every variety of honey they can find, both spun and regular. On the ride back Cas tells Dean about everything he got to see in his 30 minutes at the hives and Dean listens eagerly. Hearing Cas talk about something he finds so freaking interesting is so appealing to the hunter that he finds himself asking follow-up questions at things Cas explains, that in any other situation he would not have given a damn about.

“- and they even let me hold one of the beehives in my o-“ Cas yawns “in my own hands” the angel sleepily leans back in the Impala’s seat, his eyes start to fall close, but then Dean’s tone startles him awake.

“ _Cas!_ What if you got stung?!” his green eyes widen in alarm, but Cas just frowns at the hunter.

“My body was completely covered, Dean” Cas stares at Dean as the hunter shakes his head stubbornly.

“Still, it could’ve happened” Dean nervously pulls the Led Zeppelin tape out of Baby’s radio and tries to find another one, attempting to get his mind away from any scenario in which Cas would get hurt because of him… again. He suddenly feels a warm hand taking the box of tapes away from his lap and he looks up into a pair of apprehensive eyes that shine like sapphires in the evening gloom.

 

“I will look for the tape and you will concentrate on _the road_ , Dean” Cas holds his gaze until Dean offers an apologetic smile and lets go of the box. Cas sifts through the tapes until he finds one of the many tapes labeled “AC/DC”. Dean never told him that’s what he was looking for, but he knows Cas likes them as much as he does now and he smiles satisfied when the tape starts.

“I don’t think a bee sting would’ve hurt this vessel at all, Dean. There’s no reason to worry.” Cas reaches to put the box back into place and he yawns as he leans back into his seat. He looked completely normal at the bee farm but now Dean can see that he’s still weak and definitely tired, so he steps on the gas just a little bit harder.

“Yeah, well. ‘M just saying you should be careful” Dean knows he sounds like a parent, but he can’t help his mother-hen instincts. Cas coughs a little bit and scoots closer to Dean, sleepily burying himself further into his trench coat and yawning again.

“Next time we go, I’ll be more careful. I promise” Cas’ eyes are already closed, but Dean can’t help but to ask him:

“Did you really like it there, Cas? You wanna go back?” Dean’s smile is so wide he feels it’s about to split his face. Cas stirs in his seat and mumbles his answer between slow breaths.

“Mmhm. I had a very good time today” His voice is small and tired and Dean’s heart clenches painfully at the sound. The hunter lets go of whatever stupid excuse he was holding on to and shamelessly puts one arm around Cas, bringing him closer until he’s pressed against his side. Cas makes a small satisfied noise that puts goosebumps on the hunter’s skin and leans his head on Dean’s shoulder, his breathing warm and even against Dean’s neck. Dean does his best to suppress his shivers and instead turns his head to put a kiss on Cas’ forehead.

“Soon as you get better, we’ll go back there as many times as you want” Dean whispers resting his cheek on Cas’ hair, knowing the angel would probably miss it, but feeling the need to say it anyway.

 

✧･ﾟ:*  ✿  *:･ﾟ✧

 

As soon as the music and the engine die Cas stirs awake and he sits up straight, just a few inches away from Dean and the hunter feels a smile take form on his lips as the angel stretches and yawns.

“Hey buddy,” Dean thinks even he can hear the happiness in his own voice. Cas rubs at his eyes and sleepily smiles.

“Hello, Dean” Blue eyes look warmly at him as Dean takes Cas’ hand and presses his keys into it.

“You think you can open the door for me? I’ll get the honey inside” Dean lazily strokes his fingers over Cas’ hand while he waits for an answer, until a shiver softly shakes the angel’s body and the hunter panics, promptly retrieving his hand. Cas’ blush cannot be hidden, no matter how much he ducks his head and Dean feels his own cheeks burn bright red. The angel nods looking down.

 

“Yes, of course.” And then the trench coat is out of his car and Dean is left feeling suddenly cold. He hugs his jacket closer to him as he gets the jars out of Baby’s trunk.

Once he’s past the door, Cas closes up behind them and Dean goes down the stairs and into the kitchen to find a place to all the honey they bought. He hears Cas’ footsteps go into his room and then come back out, getting closer and closer until Cas is arriving in the kitchen in a pair of Dean’s sweatpants and one of his plain white T-shirts. Dean smiles at the sight and takes a jar of honey to the sink, where he picks up a clean spoon. The hunter walks towards the angel, opening the lid to the honey in his hands.

 

“Ready for bed, are we?” Cas rubs his eyes again in response and Dean chuckles as he takes a spoonful of the golden liquid “Open up” he doesn’t know exactly why he doesn’t just hand the spoon to Cas, but he’s going to blame it on exhaustion. He places the spoon in front of Cas and the angel does as he’s told, Dean feeding him his medicine as one would do with a child.

Cas swallows and beams at Dean, the obvious change in Dean’s remedies putting him in a good mood. At first, Dean thought the angel wouldn’t mind bitter remedies, what with his inability to taste and all, but then Cas also has a nose and those things smelled as bad as they tasted so Dean can’t really blame the angel for his reluctant attitude.

“I thought you were going to make tea?” the angel tilts his head and blinks twice at Dean causing him to feel an amazing urge to just kiss the guy, he’s so adorable.

“I am, angel” Dean grins wide at Cas “But it would be better if you also ate a spoonful of this three times a day. Think you could that?” The angel frantically nods.

“It smells wonderful” Cas smiles and then yawns, his eyes watering. Dean runs his hand through Cas’ hair to sweep it away from his forehead.

“D’you want me to make you tea?” Dean tries, but he can’t help his reflexes and yawns too, laughing a little afterward.

“It’s okay” Cas shakes his head softly and walks closer to Dean, cutting his laughter abruptly. The angel’s eyes are closed as he blindly wraps his arms around Dean, almost causing the hunter to drop the honey out of sheer surprise. Dean’s heart pounds madly in his chest and he spends a few seconds just gaping at the soft dark mess of hair that’s pressed against his shirt, feeling warm breath hit his chest in a steady rhythm.

“Thank you for today, Dean” the angel gently squeezes him and Dean immediately wraps his arms around Cas, placing a small kiss at the top of his head.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Cas” Dean listens to Cas’ contented hum and for once, he doesn’t trample on the tiny flower of hope that blossoms in his chest.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You guys this took forever!!!! F O R E V E R I say !!! I am deeply sorry and I have no excuse, just if you read the beginning of this series and you still read this after all this time I love you, honestly. If you're just joining us, I love you too <3
> 
> Special thanks to Meg who checked this out for me and I love her for it. I really needed it <3 :*
> 
> Whoever you are, I'm honoured that you would take some of your precious time to read my work and I would love to hear from you. ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) You can find me [here](http://research-blackwings-denial.tumblr.com/) and in the comments section.


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